This is a question that I ask not to judge your parenting skills, but maybe just add to it or enhance it. I have been a mom for 13 years, I started young for my liking ( I was 20 when I had my daughter). I had huge plans for myself, I was modeling, away in college and wanted to become a Doctor. In my mind I had my whole life figured out. LOL When I had my daughter I was selfish and impatient before her in my mind everything revolved around me and what I wanted to do. By the time I had her I was still figuring out what I wanted to do with my life. After having her I went back to school and worked a Part-Time job. I was tired and lacked balance. My oldest daughter was not easy to handle as well, she had a reaction to the formula which made her very fussy. As she got older she became very spoiled, she was the first grandchild on my side and my husband’s side of the family. I use to pop her when she did something wrong on a daily basis and put her time out. After a while, it seems to not phase her anymore. She would take the pop like “G”. After the pop, she would return to her regularly scheduled program. I was pregnant with my second child by the time my 1st turned one year old. That’s when I decided we have to come up with a routine and figure things out with disciplining her. Instead of hitting her I came up with different tactics. Why? because guess what when your child starts school other adults that may be watching your child cannot discipline them the same way. You know what will start to happen? It will make it harder for others to watch your child. Meaning money will become less if you have to keep leaving work to pick up your child, or if your child gets kicked out of the program. You will not get time for yourself because others will not want to watch your child. All these things did not happen to me, but I knew it could be a possibility. So below I ‘m going to give you some tips on how to foster good habits, relationships, and great students in your child.
Believe it or not, your children crave a routine. When there’s a routine in place, then they will know what your expectations are. When developing a routine I decided we will focus on chores, school work and showers and a little tv time. It’s easier for parents and children. They have set bedtimes during the school week, in order to get the rest they need to perform well in school. Consistency also falls in to play while disciplining your child. If you said you are taking something away or putting in them on punishment due to bad behavior or lack of doing something, PLEASE DO IT! I’m screaming that because it really works. I’ve taken away electronics almost for a year with my oldest girls when they were younger, I’ve taken them with me to return something that was bought when they acted up or wasn’t take care of said items. That option actually really hit home for my daughter, she realized that I was serious and she would never have anything if she didn’t change her behavior. I’m big on education in the house as well and I love for them to participate in extra-curricular activities and be creative. However, they do know in order to enjoy those things school work must be done and grades must be great, I don’t believe that’s too much pressure. If they are having trouble in school work we will work on it at home and I will partner with the teachers to get the extra help. There’s no excuse for failure if you do not understand something speak up. Which leads me to my next bullet Communication.
I decided that I will communicate more with my children. Yes, there are times that I will raise my voice. That change tone makes them realize the severity of the issue, and to be honest I do not see anything wrong with that. I do not want to foster an environment where my kids are scared of me, However, I do want to foster one where they Respect me. I also believe although they are children they deserve respect, I even believe that they deserve an explanation at times to better understand what is going on. As a child, I hated being told “Because I said so”, ok so is there a real reason. It never made sense to me. So as a child I always told myself I wouldn’t do that to my kids. So there’s a lot of talking in the Walker Household. Sit down and have conversations about their day in school. I pick up each child at different times. Once they get in the car I always ask them how their day was. We spend the better amount of our drive home talking about what happened with other kids, what they learned in school and how did anything make them feel. I love doing this because it makes it easier for them to tell me if there is a problem, and it teaches them how to communicate effectively with others.
Each Child is Different:
Like every pregnancy I had was different, every child I have is different. They all have different personalities and what you may do with the others may not work with another. This is something that was very difficult for me. My oldest was my hardest child initially, but once I started to be consistent with punishments and after a lot of talking and reinforcement by the time she turned 10 she was so easy to deal with. My youngest daughter and oldest son are at the age where they test me a little bit because they are sensitive to talking in a certain tone works best for them. They cry with just the tone I speak to them in and straighten up. Now my youngest, my last of the Walker clan is a mess you hear me? He’s pretty spoiled because of all the older people around him. He usually gets what he wants and to be honest I know I’m partly to blame. So now that he will be starting school soon I have become more consistent with him. He had his first punishment last week after taking the crayon and using my car as a coloring book. I told him no snacks, no toys, and no happy meals. On our car ride the other day he asked for all of these things over and over again. I had to keep telling him that he couldn’t have anything and remind him why. He thinks by saying sorry that he can continue to do what he was doing, and all is forgiving. My job is to teach him that sorry means you learned from what you did and you have changed behavior. Each child I use a different technique because they all have different ways to react to discipline. I don’t like having to put my hands on my kids and I’m happy to say I don’t have to use this way of disciplining. Now I may yoke them up a little when they are disrespectful, but I do not have to slap, hit or use a belt on them.
Everyone parents differently, and I’m not judging those that think spanking works for them. All I do ask is that you try out these options especially if your children are young. My kids are for the most part very well behaved, social, and they all do really well in school. I’m not bragging, well hell yea if I want to brag I’ll do so. I like when I walk into a school the teachers brag about hell well behaved, smart and successful my kids are doing. It makes my husband and I feel like we’re doing something right as a parent. Now my husband is more of the disciplinary they do not want any problems with him he goes off and I think his tone and how he talks, does it for them. I think I have to do more talking and going off because I talk too much and they sometimes take my kindness for weakness (story of my life). However, you are doing a Great job as a mother, you can read all the books they have to offer but intuition, patience, and selfless love are what will get you through it all. For all those who are expecting or want children in the future, I hope this article has helped you a little. Please chime in below and tell me your thoughts on disciplining and if they changed since having children of your own?