I know you all are like lets see what this girl has to say. I cannot speak for everyone. I have spoke with several people who are in long term healthy and successful marriages. We all had a few things in common that I thought I should share. My husband and I are celebrating our 13th Wedding Anniversary this year. We’ve had ups and down in our relationship, but nothing not worth working on as a couple. Below I will give you 5 main things that can help not just with marriages but some can be for any relationship.
1. Putting Your Faith At The Center Of It All:
We are Christians and to be honest with you since we were young we went to church with each other and prayed with each other. I pray for my family and my husband daily. Like we legit never let a day go by that we don’t prays for and with each other. When God is the center of all no man or enemy can get in between that. Even when we are face with adversity we pray about it, work towards better, and let God handle the rest. I truly think this has helped our relationship immensely. Loving the person wholeheartedly will have you doing things you wasn’t sure you will ever do in a relationship. I had boyfriends and to be honest, I never prayed for them. But then again I was young , maybe as an adult in relationships it might’ve happened.
I put this as number one because this is something that is very very important in your relationship. If you aren’t able to communicate in a healthy manner , it can cause so much confusion. Fights about little things all because someone failed to communicate, didn’t say everything that was on their mind, or left out important details. Either way it can become so frustrating. Learning how to speak to one another is important, knowing each others tone, what sets each other off, if one is more High strung than the other. Is all important because it can take the disagreement to another level. I’m a true believer in therapy , I think every person should have one. When my Husband I was about to get married we went to a series of pre-marital counseling. I liked it so much that I wanted to continue it. We also spoke with my parents a lot my mother explaining to me that if there’s something I don’t like speak up. People are not mind readers, how will it improve if they don’t know. So that was something that stood out to me a lot. Since then I let my husband know when there’s something I wasn’t to fond of. Now this is the part that I had and still have a problem with , is my delivery when I feel a way it’s hard for you not to know even when I’m trying to do a better way. How I feel is shown by my facial expression. my delivery and my tone. When I feel I feel and that has harmed “friendships” as well because people take your honesty as bad vibes, or she’s mean. When all honesty it comes from a place with no Mal intentions. We can work on a lot of things but certain personality traits are you. Honestly your significant other should love those flaws. My husbands always told me he loves how passionate I am. That may turn others off but he loves it, and to be honest that’s what matters. Take time out of your day to ask each other about the day and actively listen. Don’t ask and do something else. Listen make eye contact , show the person that you care.
3. Keep People Out Of Your Marriage:
This is another very important topic. Keep People out your relationship!!!!!!!!!! I’m saying it loud enough for the people in the back. Not everyone wishes you well, and some really can’t give good advice because of their past or track record. This is when therapy comes back into the situation, an unbiased opinion is always needed. Keeping God first in your marriage is super imperative. That saying is very true a family that prays together, stays together. Pray with , and for your partner. Family members usually wish you well but it can cause a lot of confusion especially if they do not know their place. I often speak to my friends and family about their relationship problem. Most times I listen ( to let them vent). If they ask for my advice I have to tell them this advice is based off what you told me, because honestly there’s three sides to the story. My friends truth, the significant others truth, and the truth lol. We see things as we perceive them. I’ not saying any of their truths are lies , it’s just their perspective. If they are not being physically or verbally harmed I usually give them advice that can help their relationship. I typically stay out of peoples relationships even when asked questions.
4. Paying Attention To Detail:
When you and your partner are just having casual conversations. Actively Listening is so important. That when just because gifts of things you spoke about it is given. I was telling my husband that I really liked one of my new plants in the living room. I was home working one day and he came in with the baby version of that plant. I got so excited and happy. It’s a small gesture, but it’s so big because it shows that he was listening to me. We all love to be heard. I also said I want a desk with marble and gold accents I showed it to him, but wasn’t sure if I was going to purchase it. Hubby bought it, it got here and he put it together before I woke up after sleeping all day. I work overnight shifts and when I woke up and seen it, I was so excited. I love him so much. I also do the same if I know he needs something even if he doesn’t say it , wifey got it. His birthday I planned a romantic staycation I’m talking roses on the floor and bed. champagne and chocolate strawberries, we watched movies and fell asleep after having a romantic dinner. We just love spending time together. I saved up some money just because. Beyonce and Jay announced the OTRII tour I went and purchased us VIP tickets and surprised hime. He loves Jay and I love Bey so it was a win for us both. We ended up having the time of our lives. It doesn’t take a bunch of materialistic things. Him just saying lets go for ice cream or for a walk in the park is so meaningful too. Especially when he realizes I’m feeling stressed. Details matter and acting upon it means even more.
5. Understanding Each others Love Language:
When You hear about love languages , can you sit and think what yours are?
- words of affirmation: I Know this is my love language in all relationships. I love to hear positive affirmations for myself, for the other person and for our relationship as a whole. I speak words of affirmations daily so I can push myself even on days when I don’t feel like it.
- quality time: Quality time is another one of my love languages. I enjoy time spent with my husband and loved ones. Creating memories and building bonds mean a lot to me. More than actual physical gifts. Now don’t get me wrong I love a gift, especially unexpected gifts. However, I love time well spent way more. I’ll take a beautiful thought out date over a gift any day. Now if I get both I’m in heaven.
- receiving gifts: I like gifts from hubby especially thought out gifts. However , I’m not looking for them often. like I said above his time and the time we spend with each other is truly the best gift ever. I cherish time spent with loved ones because you will never know when that day will be the last.
- acts of service: This is another one that I love. I think we both love this after a hard day at work or just being home working on my business and dealing with the kids. Him coming home doing house work, taking over with the kids, running me a bath, giving me a massage and vice versa. We truly love that
- physical touch: My husband is huge on this. I love physical touch but I truly don’t like to be hovered on. Like at night I like my space while I sleep. Cuddling before we sleep I don’t mind. But that feeling of being constricted overwhelms me. I like physical touch in moderation. So I make sure to give my husband it often because it’s his love language.